As I grew up in a conservative and orthodox set up, my idea and perception of how we defined beauty was more in line with being conventional. Being born as an ugly brown duckling in a family of all fair siblings never made matters easy for me.
I would burn myself with self pity seeing my elder sister glow with beautiful red pimples defining her ever radiant skin .
I would sulk day in and out for being over weight, rigid, not so good looking and failing miserably to fit into all ensembles worthy of making me look a little less podgy.
Consequently, I spent a major part of my teen age years drowning myself into books and more books , as a means of escape from being caught by the judgmental norms of the society.
The more I found aberration outside the more I found myself getting reclusive.
Since I was devoid of one, The dictionary meaning of beauty always eluded me. I didn’t possess the so called hour glass figure coupled with physical features to die for.
Mirror, so to say ,was not amongst my best friends, I remember distinctly trying to take a longer route to reach a place if had to confront mirror en-route.
These were my thoughts about self as I grew up.
Not surprisingly I was low on self esteem, always shy and introvert, always staying aloof.
Years later, something dawned upon me, as an attempt of safeguard self pride, (which I believe is very important for all of us) I embarked on my journey to make myself look and feel beautiful.
To get into the mode which defined what conventional beauty was all about.
Rumi truly says
” what you seek is seeking you”.
This quote defines how beautiful I feel today.
Standing where I do now, I realized how farce my thoughts were and how hollow my growing up years.
Nonetheless, if not for my erstwhile perception , I would not have got an overhaul. Can’t thank my past for that.
I took it upon myself to change my life for better.
Interestingly enough, I realized that if you are steadfast in your approach, life will definitely take you where your heart truly belongs.
Trial and error ,had me do all sort of physically exerting work outs. Be it yoga, gym, Pilates and the list is endless until I found love in pumping Iron and it took me by surprise and ask not how!
Lifting weights and more weights has made me feel stronger in the most vulnerable of situations.
It is not easy, it is not a cakewalk, it is indeed difficult to tame !
The pure joy and euphoria that surrounds the feeling can be had no other way.
The paradigm shift was not quick and effortless, I was agile, stubborn and really not forthcoming in my approach, behind the closed doors were oodles of tears for the pain my body and heart would entail.
Today, I proudly define beauty as being strong, being able to wear one’s heart on the sleeves, ability to conquer fear, take on a new challenge, embark on the quintessential pursuit to keeping trying despite failures. Beauty to me is beyond physical attributes, it is overcoming the limits our minds put on us. It is never having to give up in the face of adversity.
I feel the most beautiful when I am at the finish line of race or at the end of a grueling work out barely able to breathe. Sweat makes me shine with pride as I feel stronger to take one step forward in the journey drawn towards knowing the unknown.
World over, at all ‘crossfit’ boxes, the mirror is conspicuous by its absence , rightly so as the beauty captured by mirror fails in comparison to the beauty defined by strength.
I am happy I overcame my prejudice and hope each one of us find his strength and consequently his beauty inside out.